Victoria’s Secret Just Can’t Say NO.

Victoria’s Secret usually chooses hot musical acts to perform in their yearly fashion show. Performers like Justin Timberlake, Usher, Katy Perry, the Spice Girls, and the Black Eyed Peas have done the show and it’s always a blast to watch. But it’s not always the case in some years….

I’m going to make a discussion about the GIANT elephant in the room regarding the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: they just can’t say NO. First of all, is Victoria’s Secret SO intent on not refusing to choose relevant musical acts that aren’t dating their models? SERIOUSLY. It’s as if they just beg and plead their models to get their boyfriends to perform on the show just so that they can occupy the musical void that the producers just don’t seem to know how to fill.

The fact that this year’s fashion show contains THREE musical acts is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous! Kanye West? This stupid fucker hasn’t been relevant musically in the last three years! And his album with Jay-Z is tanking badly! Maroon 5? Ooooh, they had that one hit about Mick Jagger, BITE ME! And Cee-lo Green? This fatass only had ONE hit about telling people “Fuck You” (oh yeah, and he’s good friends with Adam Levine from Maroon 5, so there ya go).

The reason these acts are performing this year is because the supermodels that are walking the show are either dating these fuckers or are married to them. And I’m quite that VS was like, “Oh, you’re dating that guy from that band! Let’s book ‘em so that we don’t have to pay them!”

Let’s highlight the blatant nepotism of this show:

–SEAL
Seal is married to Heidi Klum, hence the reason he got to perform in TWO consecutive shows in 2005 and 2007. And the kicker here is that Seal hasn’t had a big hit since 1995′s “Kiss From A Rose” yet VS allowed him to sing on their show! Why? Because he’s married to one of their models, that’s why! I’m sure Heidi said, “Hey, Seal is my husband, let him sing or I quit!” and VS agreed.

–KINGS OF LEON
Jared Followill, the drunken lead singer of this Emo band is married to VS Angel Lily Aldridge. That’s more than enough reason! They haven’t performed for the show but VS has used their sucky songs as terrible dance remixes for various catwalk segments during the 2009 show. Why? Because they didn’t have to pay for it since Lily duped him! “Hey, use my husband’s songs in the show or I quit!” and VS agreed. And the funny thing? A year later, Jared appeared in the crowd for their 2010 show. Gee, I wonder how that happened!!!!

–MAROON 5
This stupid-ass band finally scored a hit this summer with “Moves Like Jagger” and Adam Levine became sorta relevant again due to his appearance on “The Voice”. Oh yes, and he’s porking his schlong on supermodel Anne Vyalitsyna, let’s not forget that little tidbit. And since Anne is walking the show, guess what? He gets to perform! Oh, isn’t that just wonderful! Anne musta been like, “Hey my boyfriend’s band has that one hot single, let him sing it in this year’s show or I quit!” and VS agreed.

–KANYE WEST
Kanye was supposed to perform the VS show in 2007 but had to back out. He was then replaced by will.I.Am as the opening act. Four years, one Taylor Swift mishap and two bad albums later, Kanye is finally performing this year’s show. So why only now? Turns out that the big rumor is that ‘Ye is supposedly getting “comfy” with VS model Chanel Iman (who’s not a real model, let’s face it) and since she was able to bag him, it didn’t take much for Chanel to swoop in and be like, “Hey, let Kanye perform or I quit!” and….VS agreed.

Why can’t VS choose more relevant musical acts for their show? Do they just say YES to these performers just because their models date them? Wait, that was a stupid question.

In a world where there’s much bigger Pop music acts like Pitbull, Rihanna, Alexandra Stan, Eminem, or LMFAO, how can they go so wrong? Hell, if they had gotten Adele or Bruno Mars, I’d be fine with that! But instead, we’re being given sloppy seconds like THIS.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll still be watching this year’s fashion show for all the titillating flesh that Candice Swanepoel will be baring. Just don’t expect to enjoy the music.

And give the Fantasy Bra to Alessandra!!!

Tori Praver Gets Naughty & (Semi) Naked For GQ USA November 2011

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Tori Praver was one of those up-and-coming supermodels that was hot for a good minute back in 2008-2009. She had appeared a couple of times in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and was the GUESS girl at one point and then….she just disappeared!

Although she’s been AWOL for awhile, she makes a return (although uncredited) appearance in the November issue of GQ (the Gods of Rock issue) doing a couple of nudie, though tame, shots here and there. Check it out!

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Click on the pics to view the bigger version!

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If there’s one thing that’s certain about Tori, it’s that she likes getting naked for the camera. It’s just too bad this wasn’t an international magazine, otherwise, we would’ve seen it all! SIGH…….

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Scans by VampireHorde @ Fashion Scans Remastered

Adriana Lima Exposes Her Bikini Body….

….Well, whatever’s left of it anyway. The “Head Angel” was spotted taking a cool dip at Miami Beach and it’s plain to see that Mrs. Lima just isn’t the same curvy Angel we once knew all those years ago. Ever since she married that asshole basketball player and then gave birth to a baby girl, her body’s taken a lightspeed spiral DOWN to Cellulite Town.

Here, take a look.

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And it doesn’t stop with Adriana, either. Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr have both taken very big hits to their bodies in terms of their curvature. Thank god for mutherfuckin’ Photoshop, otherwise, these women would look like troglodytes.

Bar Refaeli Let’s One Slip…..

…And by slip, I mean NIPSLIP!!!! I’ve had my love-and-hate relationship with this woman. Some days, I think she’s so hot and other days, I just think she’s a total fat bush-pig. But we can’t really fault her for that now, can we? As of yesterday, Bar was on holiday in some foreign poolside hotel and she FINALLY let an itty-bitty-titty slip from her bikini and showed the world what only Leonard DiCaprio has seen. Take a look!

Click on the pic to view the uncensored version!

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Unfortunately, these damned paparazzi weren’t snapping quick enough, so that one photo above was all they got. For that, all we get is the usual bikini fodder.

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It’s such a thrill for me when a supermodel who is so anal-retentive about nudity (like Bar) finally lets loose, if only for a few seconds. Hmmm, that’s probably why Victoria’s Secret doesn’t hire her……NAH, it must be something else.

Top 5 Supermodels That Are Mistaken For Victoria’s Secret Angels

Let’s get straight to the point: people can be dumb. And nothing is funnier than dumb people (hey, just look at that guy that predicted the Rapture). But it really yanks my chain when media people just spout off supermodel names and just automatically claim that a particular supermodel is a “Victoria’s Secret Angel”. Really, IT DOES. I am very anal retentive when it comes to the Angels because these are the girls I see in my VS catalog and, as we all know, posing for VS is practically like winning the supermodel lottery because it it can only mean good things.

And let’s also distinguish that the yearly Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is ALSO like winning a model lottery because it enables the chosen models that walk for their show to become honorary “Angels” (though not part of the elite brand), giving them even more opportunities.

But allow me to point out the select few supermodels that have ZERO association with the brand. These are the models that a lot of media people tend to conjoin their names with VS, but it just isn’t TRUE! Don’t fall for the lies! These models are NOT part of Victoria’s Secret in any way! Who am I talking about? Oh, let me list the top FIVE for ya!

And the TOP FIVE in no particular order:

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—#1 BAR REFAELI
This girl is the #1 model that everyone seems to think is associated with VS, but NOT EVEN CLOSE! She’s never appeared in their catalogs and she’s certainly never walked their lingerie fashion shows, so why the goddamned mutherfuckin’ Hell does her fatass keep getting mentioned as a VS model??? I DON’T GET IT.

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—#2 BROOKLYN DECKER
As far as I know, I think Brooklyn has tried out for VS but never got anywhere with them. Eventually, she let the acting bug go to her head because she ended up in an Adam Sandler movie. But that still doesn’t make her a VS Angel, so SHUT UP!

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—#3 IRINA SHAYK
Oh, Irina, Irina. Now THIS girl is one that I actually do think deserves to be in the ranks of the VS elite. She’s posed for a VS subsidiary brand called “Intimissimi”, which meant her image WAS, in fact, seen inside VS stores all over the country at one point. And now that she’s scored the 2011 Sports Illustrated cover (plus the famous BF), it’s only fitting that VS include her! C’MON, VS! More Irina and less of that FUGLY Chanel Iman!

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—#4 KATE UPTON
People seem to think that this blonde-haired big-tittied airhead bimbo is a part of VS. Why? Is it because of the giant titties? Is that what it is? SCREW YOU!

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—#5 DARIA WERBOWY
Considered one of the highest paid models in the world, this Canadian export has absolutely no association with VS whatsoever. I’ve been told she’s posed for the VS catalog, but I think all that was done unofficially, so NO!

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Stop it, people! These girls will NEVER be part of VS! If they were, they woulda been chosen to pose for them by now! There’s a lot more girls to list but these five are the ones that get mentioned the most frequently.

Speaking of which, it is unfortunate that there are a few supermodels that HAVE posed for the brand who I wish would just get strep throat cancer for tarnishing the sexy image of VS with their filthy FUPA and stanky-ass faces. SERIOUSLY! But that’s a whole ‘nother topic altogether.

Now you’re probably saying, “Who cares if they aren’t with Victoria’s Secret!” Well, I certainly don’t! I agree!

Miranda Kerr to wear the Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra 2011

I had been noticing a whole shitload of Tweets and rumors regarding this year’s VS Angel recipient to wear the coveted Fantasy Bra. Last year’s Fantasy Bra inhabitant was Adriana Lima and she totally FUCKED IT UP and, hopefully, this year’s recipient won’t do the same.

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Which Angel am I talking about? Well, three names were in the running: Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, and Miranda Kerr. According to various Tweets by VS designers (which I’m sure got deleted), they mentioned that one of the Angels wearing the bra was “back with a vengeance”. That crosses out Alessandra and leaves only Doutzen and Miranda. A few days later, a spoiler Tweet got posted revealing that it was Miranda Kerr wearing it.

And it’s easy to see why considering that Miranda has undergone a really big transformation in her post-pregnancy. If you look at the photos below, Miranda seems to have gotten herself some LARGE breastesses and they definitely look a bit enhanced considering she gave birth almost 4 months ago. Scope out these candid photos from the last couple of weeks.

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See what I mean? UNREAL! Those are DEFINITELY worthy of a Fantasy Bra. Sorry, Alessandra Ambrosio and Doutzen Kroes, YOU LOSE.

While I’m sure all of this is already old news to Miranda Kerr fans, everyone else outside of the supermodel world now knows the truth!

The Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Peek-A-Boo Hour

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. How often do you see a supermodel/actress/whatever expose sideboob AND a big ol’ panty flash within a second? NEVER! And that’s why Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the best girl out there. She just doesn’t give a shit about it yet she does it in such a classy supermodel style.

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The Transformers hottie was exiting the TF3 premiere in London a couple of nights ago and, as is usually the case with foreign paparazzi, they caught her at the most inappropriate moment. God Bless them!

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Sigh, I wish Megan Fox had the same fearless mentality…..

Adriana Lima To Stream Her Photoshoot

Acclaimed fashion photographer Russell James has announced on his Facebook page that he will be doing a live photoshoot with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima on Friday, April 16th @ 3PM West coast time and the whole thing will be streamed for FREE via USTREAM.

So if you ever wanted to see supermodels at work, now’s your chance! Who knows, maybe you might see some accidental nudity and it won’t be censored!

The photoshoot can be viewed at Russell James’ Ustream page @ http://www.ustream.tv/russelljames. Don’t miss out!

Marisa Miller’s Weekend Pool Party

While Heidi Montag was hosting a pool party over in Las Vegas over the weekend, supermodel Marisa Miller was hosting her own rockin’ pool party! In a kid’s pool. In the backyard. By herself.

The blondie VS model posted the preview photo on her official blog earlier today, which was part of a “model doing housework” photoshoot for a magazine. WET T-SHIRT!!!!

Kate Moss Sunbathes In Peru

For supermodel Kate Moss, she ain’t sunbathing with a bikini on! Hell No! She goes topless, baby! Photogs got a glimpse of Kate catching some hot Peruvian UV rays at her hotel yesterday afternoon and just flashin’ her all-natural chi-chi’s like nobody’s business.

Click on the pic for shameless, uncensored hi-larious supermodel nudity!

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